Welcome to heartswork
Newsletter January 2022
Science and anti-science
In recent years we have had to contend with vast amounts of information channeled by conventional media and by the all pervading world wide web. If we want to be responsible citizens making decisions grounded in factual information, sound reasoning and ethics then we need to be vigilant in sorting out facts from opinion and examining the motives and qualifications of the information providers.
I am often sceptical about and often down right opposed to people who are “in authority” e.g. the Tory government – and have much more respect for people who are “an authority” by virtue of their education and experience. Small words- big difference. Never trust people who don’t want you to listen to experts or distort their conclusions to suit their agenda.
Delusions and conclusions
1. Covid does not exist.
2. If it does exist it’s not dangerous
3. It’s only dangerous to other people (who are older and/or sicker than me)
4. Don’t do anything about it – even wearing a mask over my mouth to protect myself and others-much less taking a vaccine that will help me and everyone else to reduce the risk of serious illness and possible death.
5. Persuade other people not to wear masks or take vaccines by spreading bizarre conspiracy theories including those by real fascists.
6. Bully and abuse others including those who are saving lives and will try their best to save mine should I get sick.I recommend the following for the same reason I drive on the left, wear a seatbelt, don’t spit in the street, etc.etc. Not because I’m a sheep, because I’m a responsible citizen and I really want this pandemic to end as soon as possible.
1. Get your jabs
2. Wear a mask in crowded spaces
3. Show your Covid Passport when asked
4. Avoid people who don’t do 1, 2 and 3.
5. Support and show appreciation for NHS staff and essential workers.
Anthems – I wrote this last year -seems apposite now.
From our bedroom window looking East to the city I can see the Principality Stadium, the temple of Welsh rugby. In normal times it is the epicentre of the joyous excitement and celebration of the SixNations matches which affects the whole city and most of South Wales. As well as the 77,000 fans in the stadium, every pub and rugby club is full of people, many in red shirts sporting leeks, daffodil hats and all the symbols of a passionate nation.
Even sat at home watching on the TV hearing the anthem Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau anyone would need a heart of stone not to be moved.
An English translation reads:
This land of my fathers is dear to me
Old land of the mountains, paradise of the poets,
Though the enemy have trampled my country underfoot,
Quite a contrast with the English anthem with “send her victorious” and the deferential “long to reign over us”- the whole song a hymn to imperial conquest in the name of the monarch.
Perhaps that captures the real difference between nationalisms- healthy love of one’s homeland or an arrogant assumption of national superiority and the right of conquest over others.
Who I am
My name is Stephen Richards. For the past 36 years I have been self employed as a counsellor, supervisor, consultant and trainer working with a wide variety of individuals, couples, groups and organisations.
I have had substantial training in Person-Centred Counselling and Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy and have had additional training and personal experience with Gestalt therapy, Bodywork and Psychosynthesis therapies.
I am a qualified supervisor and have developed and taught professional training courses in counselling, supervision, counselling skills and groupwork.
In recent years I have also been involved in the Advanced Diploma in Forensic Counselling and Psychotherapy course and the Advanced Diploma course in Counselling and Psychotherapy with Children and Families both at Wealden College.
I have run CPD and personal growth workshops for several years ranging from “Using DSM-IV the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association” through to “Body Breath and Soul-Exploring Eastern Techniques of Personal Growth”.
For the past 3 years I’ve been living in Cardiff and using Zoom to work with clients,supervisees and consultees anywhere.
For the past few years I’ve had a website www.working-in-relationship.co.uk and I’ve been pleased with the content, so I’ve kept most of it on this site.
My problem was that although “working in relationship” is the only brief description which covers the different kinds of work I do it doesn’t trip off the tongue and if you’re a hunt and peck typist like me it takes a while to type and there is plenty of opportunity for error.
The title “heartswork” is inspired by my remembering a conversation I had with a Transactional Analyst from Seattle, Elaine Childs-Gowell about 20 years ago. Elaine, who died in 2006 is most well known for her book “Good Grief Rituals” and unbeknownst to me at the time was a powerful human rights activist and had a Ph.D for her studies of Shamanism. She said to me,very simply, “You have found your heart’s work and that is the important thing.”
Why the lotus logo?
In the various strands of Buddhism and Hinduism the lotus is a frequently used symbol with a variety of meanings. For me the meaning is that a flower of great beauty and symmetry is born and flourishes in the muddiest of ponds.
I believe the value of my work lies largely in the quality of relationships I make with my clients and colleagues. My success is measured by their continuing trust in my ability and character and I take as evidence the changes in their thoughts, feelings and behaviour they make with my help.
In all the different kinds of work I do my aim is to bring out the best in people which can sometimes mean helping them to understand and change some aspects of themselves which they may find unacceptable or to manage painful realities.
I believe firmly in personal responsibility, mine and my client’s, rather than external regulation and I am therefore accountable to my clients, colleagues and my conscience to behave with integrity.
Like many of my colleagues I have serious concerns about people helping others without an in-depth examination of their own motives and the humility to seek help with their own problems. Given a choice between the practitioner who recognises he is a fallible human being who sometimes makes mistakes and sometimes needs help and the kind who never makes mistakes and never needs help – I strongly recommend the former kind!
Old-fashioned as it may be I still believe that freedom, equality and cooperation are the best conditions for healthy individuals and a healthy society.
Finding the right person
Probably the best way to pick a counsellor or psychotherapist, trainer or consultant is by word of mouth.
If people you trust say that someone is a good practitioner, go to see them (or if you want organisational work ask them to come and see you) and decide for yourself if they seem the kind of person you want to talk to, ask about their professional training and experience and see if they are open and direct in reply to your questions.
The most important thing is that they are responsive and pay good attention to you and that they make clear contracts about payment, the limits to confidentiality etc. (Please note that total confidentiality is not morally or legally sustainable).
If they are shifty, flaky, evasive, pompous, scared, scary or you simply don’t like or trust them, go elsewhere however elevated their qualifications or reputation.
If you are not in my vicinity or need a specialist service call me anyway and I will refer to someone I know whose work I trust.* I have extensive contacts in East Sussex, Kent and West Sussex and some further afield.
*Please note this is about getting the right service for you. I receive no payment for referrals.
Notices and some inspiring quotes
This from esteemed colleague Amelia White.
Boarding School Awareness Course – starts Feb 8th 2020I am writing to let you know of a course that I am putting on in February which may be of interest to clients who have been to Boarding School. It is a 6 module online course that will include exploring their first day at school, going through puberty at school, and the consequences of developing this resilient successful personality who finds it incredibly hard to ask and receive help.
Clients will often downplay their trauma as a result of school because society views it as a privilege to be sent away. It can be incredibly hard for an adult to recognise and acknowledge that having their attachments broken at such an early age may have impacted them. By providing a group experience, people will be able to recognise they are not alone with these feelings and start to integrate this lost child part of themselves.
If you want any more information, please get in touch at Counselloramelia@gmail.comRooms for hire in Crowborough Sally Valentine has rooms for hire at Lodge Counselling in Crowborough. I use them myself, they’re just right and the atmosphere is great as you would expect! Call her on 07885-760764. Therapy Room available for hire at Eastbourne Therapy Clinic, 16 Lushington Road. Available for permanent 1/2 days and full days and also adhoc hourly basis. For more information, contact Claire Pooley on 07595 465948 or Clairepooley@sky.com
I offer counsellign,supervision and consultancy via Zoom from my home in Cardiff
I love this…
“The true opposite of obedience is not disobedience but independence. The true opposite of order is not disorder but freedom. The true opposite of control is not chaos but self-control.
“Confidence, clarity and compassion are essential qualities of a teacher.” B.K.S.Iyengar
B.K.S. Iyengar died on the 20th August 2014 aged 94. If you want an inspiring story of a man who triumphed over illness and made a difference to people all over the world read about this man.
and this…“In neo-classical economic theory, it is claimed without evidence that people are basically self-seeking, that they want above all the satisfaction of their material desires: what economists call “maximising utility”. The ultimate objective of mankind is economic growth, and that is maximized only through raw, and lightly regulated, competition. If the rewards of this system are spread unevenly, that is a necessary price. Others on the planet are to be regarded as either customers, competitors or factors of production. Effects upon the planet itself are mere “externalities” to the model, with no reckoning of the cost – at least for now. Nowhere in this analysis appears factors such as human cooperation, love, trust, compassion or hatred, curiosity or beauty. Nowhere appears the concept of meaning. What cannot be measured is ignored. But the trouble is that once our basic needs for shelter and food have been met, these factors may be the most important of all.”
Carne Ross, The Leaderless Revolution: How Ordinary People Will Take Power and Change Politics in the 21st Century